© 2008 Kathryn Marie Mainard O'Connell
**disclaimer: this is my first exegetical paper, so I'm certain that it has flaws. Feel free to point them out, but remember that I reserve the right to edit comments and anything mean will be ignored and set on fire, on principle.
Cain’s Choice
A man kills his brother in a fit of jealousy, then denies his crime in the face of overwhelming evidence. At his sentencing he pleas for mercy, which surprisingly, is granted. This isn’t the next episode of Law and Order, its Genesis 4:1-16. Cain’s choices define this text: he chooses his sacrifice, to allow anger control of his emotions, to kill, and he chooses to leave the presence of God. Throughout, however, God responds to redeem Cain from himself: God offers advice concerning how to do right, gives Cain the opportunity to confess, determines his punishment and provides a means of protection even as Cain leaves God's presence. The most surprising aspect of this text is that it is not God who banishes Cain, but Cain who chooses to banish himself from God’s presence. What does this mean for our struggle with sin today?
The text can be understood as a series of action pairs between humans and God, where human action is reciprocated by divine action (verse numbers overlap).
4: 1-2 Eve bears Cain and declares “I have produced a man with the help of the Lord”[1].
4: 3-5 Cain and Abel bring sacrifices to God; God does not choose Cain’s offering.
4: 5-7 Cain becomes angry and God offers advice regarding anger and sin.
4: 8-9 Cain slays his brother and God immediately asks his whereabouts.
4: 9-12 Cain replies with a lie and God declares both the truth and the punishment.
4: 13-15 Cain laments the severity of his punishment; God says ‘Not so!’ and marks Cain.
4: 16 Cain leaves the presence of the Lord.
Only the first and last verses don’t fit the action-reaction pattern. Eve brings forth a man “with the help of the Lord”, and Cain leaves God’s presence to dwell East of Eden; the text moves from human collaboration with God, to actions parallel to God, and finally to action without God. In this brief story of narrative prose, the first children of humanity are born, sin and die, and the text is easily framed as a series of scenes between actors. Using a scenic framework, it is interesting to note that only the characters of Cain and God have any spoken lines after the first verse; Abel is heard only after his death in the form of his blood crying. In fact, the story emerges as not simply a tale of sibling rivalry or mismanaged offerings, but of the actions and consequences of one key player, Cain. But before the text can be further explored, it is important to note some of the surrounding historical and literary context.
The reader will note that this story falls immediately after the expulsion from Eden and just prior to the establishment of the first city, and as such occupies a pivotal place at the beginning of the biblical account of human existence. Many scholars have focused on the literary emphasis provided by word repetitions of “brother”, “earth”, and “land” and all the allegorical possibilities behind the professions of farmer and herder[2]. Historically considered a work of Moses, most modern scholars believe the book of Genesis underwent a long period of communal compilation and revision during the Persian Period from approximately 539-331 B.C.E.[3] Although this story ostensibly takes place at a time before Hebrew sacrifice laws, the writer seems to assume that either these laws are understood by the reader or that the offerings were internally motivated by gratitude from the brothers[4]. A great deal of scholarship has focused on why Abel’s offering was accepted over Cain’s, with reasons ranging from God’s assumed preferences for first fruits over other fruit, or shepherding versus farming as a profession, to Levin’s interesting suggestion that a meat sacrifice smelled better than vegetables.[5] I think this last idea is amusing at the very least.
Another possibility is that God’s decision making is completely outside the realm of human management, and God’s reasons for preferring one sacrifice over the other is peripheral to the point of the story. Attempts to understand why God preferred Abel’s sacrifice meet with three serious objections: 1) the query stems from a desire to avoid Cain’s mistake in offering sacrifices, assuming that he made a mistake and that such cultic laws of sacrifice are still in operation. 2) Knowledge of how to make a proper sacrifice leads one to assume that God’s decisions can be manipulated with the correct formula, and attempts to make God into a known quantity, thus denying the intrinsic mystery of the divine will. 3) The text itself does not offer any reason for God’s decision to favor Abel, and it may be prudent to accept this fact at face value.
It is also helpful to note the social practice of avenging murder as described in Numbers 35:12-34—the established cultic law upheld capital punishment for murder, executed by “the avenger of blood”. Normally the avenger would be a close relation to the victim, a social practice also alluded to in Deuteronomy 19:6, with the establishment of refuge cities where the avenger of blood could not execute justice. In the case of familial murder, the punishment was often banishment from the clan and ancestral land.[6] In this context it is understandable that the curse from the ground might have a double meaning to a Hebrew audience; being cursed from the land, which had such strong familial ties and meaning in God’s covenant with the Hebrew people, was akin to being banished from the family and possibly from God. This also provides the prospect that Genesis 4:17 is not only the first establishment of a city, but also the concept of a city as a place of refuge. Given this context, let us return to the text for further analysis.
Considering Cain as the primary actor in the story, it becomes easy to see a pattern wherein Cain makes a destructive decision and God responds in a way that invites healing. For instance, Cain makes his choice of offering fruit, and is angered by God’s response, and God offers Cain advice regarding how he might do better in the future and master sin (Gen. 4:5b-7). When Cain chooses to kill his brother, God immediately offers the opportunity to confess what he has done, but Cain instead then chooses to lie (Gen. 4:9). God responds to Cain’s flippant retort with a pronouncement of the truth, “Listen, your brother’s blood is crying out to me from the ground!” (Gen. 4: 10) God then pronounces a curse onto Cain from the ground, namely, that it will no longer provide him with a livelihood: “And now you are cursed from the ground… it will no longer yield to you its strength; you will be a fugitive and a wanderer on the earth” (Gen 4: 11-12). Just as Abel was deprived of his life, so now too is Cain deprived of the only life he has ever known.
It is as a result of the curse that Cain must become a wanderer, as he has no other livelihood beyond farming and the reader is not textually aware of any other possible professions. Perhaps Cain could not stay with his family because of social traditions regarding banishment and revenge; although this practice is not explicitly in the text of Genesis 4, it can be deduced from later scripture as a part of the common lexicon of an early Hebrew audience. In any case, God pronounces Cain’s wandering as a consequence of his sin, although not necessarily the punishment itself. Cain outlines a fourfold punishment that extends beyond what God had pronounced, and only two of his assertions can be construed as true, having been voiced by God. Cain laments, “Today you have driven me from the soil and I shall be hidden from your face; I shall be a fugitive and a wanderer on the earth and anyone who meets me may kill me” (Gen. 4:14; emphasis mine). The previous italics highlight the punishments that were adduced by Cain (why does he add these?) and not explicitly noted by God. God responds to Cain’s plea with an emphatic !kel':: “Not so!” (Gen. 4:15). It is uncertain as to whether this refers to banishment from God’s presence or to his chances of being killed—in either case God reacts with mercy.
The translation of the Hebrew lamed-caph-nun (nkl)is worth some exploration. A prominent suggestion is that this combination of letters is a reduction of the Hebrew "lamed-holem-aleph" and "kaph-nun" (or nk xl), meaning “not so”.[7] Another translation reads it as a combination of lamed “to/for/in” and kaph-nun “so” for a translation of “if so” or “therefore”, which emphasizes agreement with a previous statement. While both translations are acceptable, the first one offers the most insight into the text and is more widely accepted.[8] The NRSV translation of “not so” plausibly corrects Cain’s overblown statement of his punishment. God answers Cain’s fear of death by giving him a mark of protection, and it would fit that the first half of God’s statement also corrects Cain’s assumption that banishment from the land is also banishment from God’s presence. God does not press the point, however, as Cain has decided for himself to leave God’s presence. The mark God provides may itself be a way in which God can remain with Cain without his knowledge, for although Cain moves away from the presence of God, God’s blessings follow him into exile in the form of successful progeny (Gen 4:17-22). In addition, the text does not indicate that Cain may never return to God’s presence in the future, or that the physical exile from the land must result in a physical exile from God’s presence. When Cain assumed his own banishment, God did what God could to provide protection to him outside of a relationship.
The important question for the text is simply this: so what? What hold does this text have on readers today, who are not under Hebrew laws of cultic sacrifice, and likely have not committed fratricide? It seems that this text, both as a cautionary tale and an allegory, functions to remind the audience that the goal is a close relationship with God, and that sin drives us away from God’s presence even as God does not desire our punishment. Just as Cain made the choice to leave God’s presence, it is a human choice to consider whether to recognize the presence of God in our lives, and it is a human choice to sin. God, for God’s part, continues to work in our lives to promote healing, growth and relationship even when we choose not to acknowledge it. Despite our sins, God is with us, and has marked us for protection even in our exile, desiring our confession and a return to close relationship. Perhaps it is that we—like Cain—do not believe that we deserve to be in God’s presence because of our sins, but God would beg to differ: “Not so!” When we sin, we choose to leave God’s presence, exiling ourselves from God’s love in addition to the natural consequences of sin. We may choose to leave God, but does God leave us? It is part of God’s amazing grace that God may well go with us into our self-imposed exile, that even when we deny God, we are marked as God’s children.
[1] All scripture citations are taken from the NRSV unless otherwise noted.
[2] Gordon J. Wendham, Genesis 1-15, Word Biblical Commentary (Waco, TX: Word Books Inc, 1987), 96.
[3] Richard H. Lowry, “Genesis.” in Chalice Introduction to the Old Testament, ed. Marti J. Steussy, (St. Louis, MO: Chalice Press, 2003), 31-32.
[4]Terence E. Fretheim, “Genesis,” in The New Interpreters Bible, (Nashville, TN: Abingdon Press, 1994), 1:373.
[5] Saul Levin, “The More Savory Offering: a Key to the Problem of Gen 4: 3-5,” Journal of Biblical Literature 98 no. 1 (1979): 85.
[6]Gordon J. Wendham, Genesis 1-15, Word Biblical Commentary (Waco, TX: Word Books Inc, 1987), 107-108.
[7]John Joseph Owens, Analytical Key to the Old Testament, vol. 1 (Grand Rapids, MI: Baker Book House, 1989), 16.
[8] E.A. Speiser, Genesis. The Anchor Bible. (New York: Bantam Doubleday, 1964), 31.
Thursday, December 4, 2008
Ack, how did I miss November??
So I missed most of November...it had a holiday! TWO in my family, as my hubby's side celebrated Christmas as well, in order to capitalize on the high concentration of siblings in one location. So it was a big deal.
And it was my first Thanksgiving-in-charge! I didn't do the turkey (we mostly-vegetarians clearly know nothing about cooking such an important meat dish; I was happy to abdicate it) but I did do most of the rest of the cooking for 15 people! It was wild. And I had a lot of help, but by the end of it, it all came out at the right time and we all ate ourselves stupid. I was quite pleased with it, and would gladly do it again. Hooray!
This is going to be a brief shout out to my new bud Maurice (I hope I spelled your name right). May you start reading the Bible with joy, buddy. Cause it's a big thing, and kinda complicated in many respects. I mean, when you consider that it's really the love story between God and the Israelites (well, the first half at least, it's a love story for everyone by the time you get to the end of it all) you have to accept some pretty interesting concepts. Like maybe it's not...it CAN'T be a word-for-word literal history. Because the ancient Hebrews just didn't think like we do about history, they weren't necessarily interested in proving events happened or citing specific dates or numbers...it's like asking you to retell your life story; it's true because it's yours, but some details might be a little different than from how they actually happened. That, in fact, doesn't make them less true. I know people might not agree with that, but I think this opinion is pretty solid.
I mean, have you read it in Hebrew??? I've only read bits, but it's a fascinating language--and mind set! They just didn't think like we do, have concerns about details like we do...they were much more physical and visual in their words and experiences, whereas we value concepts and ideas. I mean, it's basically the difference between a literate and an oral culture, really.
And the beauty of it is that it's still true, and good, and the wonderful Word. Even if, no, it may not be literal historical proveable fact...it is still true. I love that paradox!
I think my next post will just be my latest paper. I'm pretty pleased with it, and would be happy to take comments.
And it was my first Thanksgiving-in-charge! I didn't do the turkey (we mostly-vegetarians clearly know nothing about cooking such an important meat dish; I was happy to abdicate it) but I did do most of the rest of the cooking for 15 people! It was wild. And I had a lot of help, but by the end of it, it all came out at the right time and we all ate ourselves stupid. I was quite pleased with it, and would gladly do it again. Hooray!
This is going to be a brief shout out to my new bud Maurice (I hope I spelled your name right). May you start reading the Bible with joy, buddy. Cause it's a big thing, and kinda complicated in many respects. I mean, when you consider that it's really the love story between God and the Israelites (well, the first half at least, it's a love story for everyone by the time you get to the end of it all) you have to accept some pretty interesting concepts. Like maybe it's not...it CAN'T be a word-for-word literal history. Because the ancient Hebrews just didn't think like we do about history, they weren't necessarily interested in proving events happened or citing specific dates or numbers...it's like asking you to retell your life story; it's true because it's yours, but some details might be a little different than from how they actually happened. That, in fact, doesn't make them less true. I know people might not agree with that, but I think this opinion is pretty solid.
I mean, have you read it in Hebrew??? I've only read bits, but it's a fascinating language--and mind set! They just didn't think like we do, have concerns about details like we do...they were much more physical and visual in their words and experiences, whereas we value concepts and ideas. I mean, it's basically the difference between a literate and an oral culture, really.
And the beauty of it is that it's still true, and good, and the wonderful Word. Even if, no, it may not be literal historical proveable fact...it is still true. I love that paradox!
I think my next post will just be my latest paper. I'm pretty pleased with it, and would be happy to take comments.
Saturday, November 1, 2008
Midterms are over, how are we doing?
So, with midterms fully behind me, how am I doing so far?
Hey, pretty good! I don't want to jinx myself by admitting my mid-term grades, but all of them are what I'd call "really decent" and I'll be sitting quite pretty if I can maintain them all...we'll see. One thing that I'm concerned about is that my favorite class, Ministry Studies, is ironically the one that demands the least amount of daily work, and I'm worried that I'm giving it short shrift in it's study time. This class usually has a reading for each period, sometimes an article, sometimes a book, but NEVER has quizzes and only occassionally has a writing assignment due. Otherwise it is a very intellectually stimulating class--the kind that riles me up and gets me ranting late into the night--and has just one major paper due at the end...and that's what has me worried.
I think my paper is going to be on the study of campus ministry and how to introduce it to my congregation at Covenant (that's the point of the class: the study of ministry, thus our final 15 page paper is how we would introduce our congregation to a study of ministry in the hopes that we develop a new one.) And after some serious consideration of my call to ministry, and a call that is being only partially answered by Covenant, I think that this is a very appropriate paper topic. I'm pretty excited about it, done a lot of thinking...but no research and no writing as yet. And that worries me. I fear I'm procrastinating already. yeah, I know. You haven't procrastinated YET Marie...and yet, if I don't do the work ahead of time, it's already behind. Does that make any sense?
But for those of you playing along, that'll be my paper topic, and I'm writing it with an eye to sharing it with Covenant, as I really do think we're particularly situated in Staunton to do some wonderful ministry at Mary Baldwin College...and not the kind of ministry you might think. In fact...we already do it! We're just not quite as organized and intensional as we could be...and if we were, more people could be involved. Allow me to illustrate:
Things Covenant Presbyterian Church of Staunton, Virginia already has going for it in regards to campus ministry at Mary Baldwin College (in no particular order):
- existing relationships: we've got lots of faculty and staff members of the college that are members of our congregation, who (whether they realize it or not) are already doing some ministry by virtue of being their authentic selves in the classroom. Chief among these are (and yes, I'm naming you!) Rod Owen and Lynn Gilliland, but there are many others. I know that some folks have expressed a desire to distance their spiritual lives from their work lives, but I've witnessed some powerful work combining the two, and I don't think it needs to be necessarily uncomfortable. But this is the chief area for discernment of our congregation, so I shall go on:
- Existing programs: With the new civic engagement focus on MBC campus, we've already seen some activities, such as the joint mission trip to the Katrina Zone and bringing the Labyrinth to campus (yeah, that was my personal project, and it went very well. Students were very intrigued that a mainline protestant chuch would have a walking labyrinth, so I took the opportunity to let our name be known as the sponsor. It went well; this sort of spiritual exploration is needed on campus (from a developmental standpoint!) and again, we've got some stuff to offer.
- a freaking awesome associate pastor, who would totally connect well with MBC traditional students: Amy is just plain perfect as a mentor for these young women. I could go on, but I won't now. End of subject.
- Ok, me. This is definitely an area of passion for me, as well as academic and professional study. Since college I've been interested in the spiritual development of college age students, and there is a lot that can be done for students through an outside agency such as ours.
Further Ideas:
- sharing our Taize and Wholeness/Healing services. There is a chapel on campus that often stands empty, and no regularly scheduled worship services in this space.
- Blood Drives! They happen on campus, and we've already held two of our own...why not combine efforts? We could host one on campus, or intentionally invite students to our church.
- So students can eat free on TOW nights, but do they know that? What else could we offer to students as support?
- There are a few student organizations on campus that are student led, and they can always use more financial and moral support. We could designate funds and leadership to get more involved in a mentoring capacity to these self-designated students.
- There are students interested in the ministry on campus, and what they really need is exposure. We could open our sanctuary to guest student preachers, the student gospel choirs and student themed services, whether on Sunday or otherwise.
- There are several student performance groups (from choirs to theatre and music) that would love the opportunity to perform or practice in our fellowship or great hall.
- Rev. Andrea Cornett-Scott already has a store-front church near MBC that might really be intereseted in an inter-denominational partnership (at least, from my experience with her, I think that might be very interesting). It could certainly expand an existing ministry!
- And First Pres. Church, across the street from MBC, might be very interested in a partnership for a college ministry. They've got a convienient space and location, and might just need more energy and innovation to become a great partner.
And now I feel I must address something that I've heard often in class lately, and I'm sure must be on the mind of anyone reading along...
--------
Will this ever work? Isn't this too hard? Aren't there a hundred reasons why this won't succeed?
Ahem. This issue has reoccured in my life of late, and I feel I simply must say...
How DARE we doubt?? I'm sorry, maybe I've misunderstood, but are you DOUBTING that God can make this possible? Where have you been?! Have you read the book? You know, that one, the book with all the miracles and promises in it? THAT ONE??
I can understand hesitation. I can understand fear. But when the future and current leaders of the church have the audacity to claim that something won't ever be fixed, that a problem is TOO BIG, I get a little livid. How dare we doubt!
Do we not serve the God of Creation, maker of all things seen and unseen? The limitless stars, unfathomable time, depth of space and atoms innumerable? More concretely, do we not serve the God who proclaimed I will make of you a great nation, and in you ALL the peoples of the world will be blessed? Who took the stuff of creation to use not one, but TEN plagues to demand the slaves be set free? Do we not serve the Divider of the Sea? The Great Sound that made the walls of Jericho fall? Who was that guy up on the cross? Some poor sap, pinned and bleeding for being a rabble-rouser or was he our God Incarnate, dying and resurrecting to destroy the power of death over our souls? To do what we couldn't EVER do, but God could do? Cause maybe I've got it wrong, but didn't this God, our God, take the impossible and MAKE it possible? And doesn't this God stand by us today? Doesn't this God tell us that if we follow God with faith, that we can do the impossible IN God? Because if we say that something is too hard, too difficult, too big or too unpleasant to do, we are essentially denying our very salvation. We're saying that God can't do it.
Oh how dare we doubt!
Why, oh why, is it that we look upon what is impossible and magnificient, and focus only on the impossibility and not the MAGNIFICIENCE!? Is it that we're afraid of failure?
I know what you're thinking. That perhaps I am being a little naive. Or romantic. Or just an inexperienced optimist. I am none of these. I know that any attempt to do God's will, especially when it is both amazing and grand, will likely be hard and even very unpleasant. But isn't that part of the point?
It took over two hundered years to end slavery in America; that's over two centuries of slaves praying and resisting, and ministers and other faithful Americans praying and hoping and doing, and the vast majority of them never lived to see it end. Does that make their prayers in vain? No! They entered into the long line of faith that believed it would change, that it could change, and even though they didn't see it happen, they made it possible in their very belief.
Moses knew this with every step he took in the wilderness, knew he wouldn't ever set foot in the promised land and yet he walked forward anyway. The Israelites in the wilderness never saw the promised land, but they walked forward for their children, that they might see the promise. We must step forward to make change, not because we might see it in our lifetimes, but because it might happen in the lives of our children or grandchildren, that some future generation will see a justice that we have yearned for.
We cannot deny that our God can make the impossible happen, and we must be willing to try. We must be willing to fail. For the simple act of trying is a success, it is a step in the right direction. A direction for hope and faith and the belief that someday, although I might not see it, God's kingdom on earth with reign.
So that's my little rant for the day. It kills me, really kills me a little, each time I hear someone scoff at justice or beauty or goodness simply because it isn't easy, or it hasn't happened yet. Where is our faith? Where is our hope?
Where is our trust that in God all things are possible?
....
I guess that's it. It was better the first time I wrote it, before the misty waves of Internet-ether swallowed the best part of this post. Ah well. Note to self: save more often.
how true!
Hey, pretty good! I don't want to jinx myself by admitting my mid-term grades, but all of them are what I'd call "really decent" and I'll be sitting quite pretty if I can maintain them all...we'll see. One thing that I'm concerned about is that my favorite class, Ministry Studies, is ironically the one that demands the least amount of daily work, and I'm worried that I'm giving it short shrift in it's study time. This class usually has a reading for each period, sometimes an article, sometimes a book, but NEVER has quizzes and only occassionally has a writing assignment due. Otherwise it is a very intellectually stimulating class--the kind that riles me up and gets me ranting late into the night--and has just one major paper due at the end...and that's what has me worried.
I think my paper is going to be on the study of campus ministry and how to introduce it to my congregation at Covenant (that's the point of the class: the study of ministry, thus our final 15 page paper is how we would introduce our congregation to a study of ministry in the hopes that we develop a new one.) And after some serious consideration of my call to ministry, and a call that is being only partially answered by Covenant, I think that this is a very appropriate paper topic. I'm pretty excited about it, done a lot of thinking...but no research and no writing as yet. And that worries me. I fear I'm procrastinating already. yeah, I know. You haven't procrastinated YET Marie...and yet, if I don't do the work ahead of time, it's already behind. Does that make any sense?
But for those of you playing along, that'll be my paper topic, and I'm writing it with an eye to sharing it with Covenant, as I really do think we're particularly situated in Staunton to do some wonderful ministry at Mary Baldwin College...and not the kind of ministry you might think. In fact...we already do it! We're just not quite as organized and intensional as we could be...and if we were, more people could be involved. Allow me to illustrate:
Things Covenant Presbyterian Church of Staunton, Virginia already has going for it in regards to campus ministry at Mary Baldwin College (in no particular order):
- existing relationships: we've got lots of faculty and staff members of the college that are members of our congregation, who (whether they realize it or not) are already doing some ministry by virtue of being their authentic selves in the classroom. Chief among these are (and yes, I'm naming you!) Rod Owen and Lynn Gilliland, but there are many others. I know that some folks have expressed a desire to distance their spiritual lives from their work lives, but I've witnessed some powerful work combining the two, and I don't think it needs to be necessarily uncomfortable. But this is the chief area for discernment of our congregation, so I shall go on:
- Existing programs: With the new civic engagement focus on MBC campus, we've already seen some activities, such as the joint mission trip to the Katrina Zone and bringing the Labyrinth to campus (yeah, that was my personal project, and it went very well. Students were very intrigued that a mainline protestant chuch would have a walking labyrinth, so I took the opportunity to let our name be known as the sponsor. It went well; this sort of spiritual exploration is needed on campus (from a developmental standpoint!) and again, we've got some stuff to offer.
- a freaking awesome associate pastor, who would totally connect well with MBC traditional students: Amy is just plain perfect as a mentor for these young women. I could go on, but I won't now. End of subject.
- Ok, me. This is definitely an area of passion for me, as well as academic and professional study. Since college I've been interested in the spiritual development of college age students, and there is a lot that can be done for students through an outside agency such as ours.
Further Ideas:
- sharing our Taize and Wholeness/Healing services. There is a chapel on campus that often stands empty, and no regularly scheduled worship services in this space.
- Blood Drives! They happen on campus, and we've already held two of our own...why not combine efforts? We could host one on campus, or intentionally invite students to our church.
- So students can eat free on TOW nights, but do they know that? What else could we offer to students as support?
- There are a few student organizations on campus that are student led, and they can always use more financial and moral support. We could designate funds and leadership to get more involved in a mentoring capacity to these self-designated students.
- There are students interested in the ministry on campus, and what they really need is exposure. We could open our sanctuary to guest student preachers, the student gospel choirs and student themed services, whether on Sunday or otherwise.
- There are several student performance groups (from choirs to theatre and music) that would love the opportunity to perform or practice in our fellowship or great hall.
- Rev. Andrea Cornett-Scott already has a store-front church near MBC that might really be intereseted in an inter-denominational partnership (at least, from my experience with her, I think that might be very interesting). It could certainly expand an existing ministry!
- And First Pres. Church, across the street from MBC, might be very interested in a partnership for a college ministry. They've got a convienient space and location, and might just need more energy and innovation to become a great partner.
And now I feel I must address something that I've heard often in class lately, and I'm sure must be on the mind of anyone reading along...
--------
Will this ever work? Isn't this too hard? Aren't there a hundred reasons why this won't succeed?
Ahem. This issue has reoccured in my life of late, and I feel I simply must say...
How DARE we doubt?? I'm sorry, maybe I've misunderstood, but are you DOUBTING that God can make this possible? Where have you been?! Have you read the book? You know, that one, the book with all the miracles and promises in it? THAT ONE??
I can understand hesitation. I can understand fear. But when the future and current leaders of the church have the audacity to claim that something won't ever be fixed, that a problem is TOO BIG, I get a little livid. How dare we doubt!
Do we not serve the God of Creation, maker of all things seen and unseen? The limitless stars, unfathomable time, depth of space and atoms innumerable? More concretely, do we not serve the God who proclaimed I will make of you a great nation, and in you ALL the peoples of the world will be blessed? Who took the stuff of creation to use not one, but TEN plagues to demand the slaves be set free? Do we not serve the Divider of the Sea? The Great Sound that made the walls of Jericho fall? Who was that guy up on the cross? Some poor sap, pinned and bleeding for being a rabble-rouser or was he our God Incarnate, dying and resurrecting to destroy the power of death over our souls? To do what we couldn't EVER do, but God could do? Cause maybe I've got it wrong, but didn't this God, our God, take the impossible and MAKE it possible? And doesn't this God stand by us today? Doesn't this God tell us that if we follow God with faith, that we can do the impossible IN God? Because if we say that something is too hard, too difficult, too big or too unpleasant to do, we are essentially denying our very salvation. We're saying that God can't do it.
Oh how dare we doubt!
Why, oh why, is it that we look upon what is impossible and magnificient, and focus only on the impossibility and not the MAGNIFICIENCE!? Is it that we're afraid of failure?
I know what you're thinking. That perhaps I am being a little naive. Or romantic. Or just an inexperienced optimist. I am none of these. I know that any attempt to do God's will, especially when it is both amazing and grand, will likely be hard and even very unpleasant. But isn't that part of the point?
It took over two hundered years to end slavery in America; that's over two centuries of slaves praying and resisting, and ministers and other faithful Americans praying and hoping and doing, and the vast majority of them never lived to see it end. Does that make their prayers in vain? No! They entered into the long line of faith that believed it would change, that it could change, and even though they didn't see it happen, they made it possible in their very belief.
Moses knew this with every step he took in the wilderness, knew he wouldn't ever set foot in the promised land and yet he walked forward anyway. The Israelites in the wilderness never saw the promised land, but they walked forward for their children, that they might see the promise. We must step forward to make change, not because we might see it in our lifetimes, but because it might happen in the lives of our children or grandchildren, that some future generation will see a justice that we have yearned for.
We cannot deny that our God can make the impossible happen, and we must be willing to try. We must be willing to fail. For the simple act of trying is a success, it is a step in the right direction. A direction for hope and faith and the belief that someday, although I might not see it, God's kingdom on earth with reign.
So that's my little rant for the day. It kills me, really kills me a little, each time I hear someone scoff at justice or beauty or goodness simply because it isn't easy, or it hasn't happened yet. Where is our faith? Where is our hope?
Where is our trust that in God all things are possible?
....
I guess that's it. It was better the first time I wrote it, before the misty waves of Internet-ether swallowed the best part of this post. Ah well. Note to self: save more often.
how true!
Sunday, October 19, 2008
Midterms!
hard to believe that it's midterms already, but here they are.
Over the weekend I've been working on the Hebrew quiz-that-passes-for-a-midterm take home, and writing up an outline for my one-hour take home essay for Church History. Then we've got reading week break from Wednesday, Oct. 22nd until Tuesday, October 28th! Unfortunately, I'll need to write a paper for Old Testament and get at least the first half or so done on my Ministry Studies uber-paper, all before or after our brief jaunt back to Staunton. We'll only be there for Saturday, unfortunately, as James has rehearsals he has to be back for on Sunday. Pity.
At the moment I'm updating because I just don't want to go back and finish the last page of my Hebrew homework, as I understand personal possessive pronouns pretty well, and constructs get old after awhile. Mostly I need to just start memorizing vocabulary again...add that to my list for next week.
Actually, this weekend was a nice break; Aunt Sarah came to visit and so do Christine/Aunt Bean, and we all went out today to pick pumpkins with Katie. I really want to be excited about Halloween, but I'm having trouble since everything costs money. Bleugh. And I need to get my hair cut something fierce, but finding the time without Katie (who also needs a trim) is hard. Mostly we're just trying to help James out with his next week and a half, as he's got two shows going up at the same time and far too much work to do. I wish the commute wasn't so hard on him. And then there's the election. I'm very concerned for this country, and I'm trying to vote early, so I sent off my absentee application today. I just hope I get it in time!
OH! Here's some update-worthy news! It's pretty darn official now: I got my passport in the mail and I've paid for my trip to South Africa this winter! I'm going on the January intensive trip/class to study post-apartheid theology and the Belhar confession! I am so excited. I havne't been out of the country since I went to Germany after graduating high school, so it's bound to be very enlightening and eye opening. I really like my ministry studies class. It has the appearance of being very easy, until you really think about applying principals of community organizing and the near-scientific study of HOW to accomplish a ministry to your practice...and suddenly I can see why so many churches take the easy way out and opt to do programs and events that don't really impact the community. I'm trying to get more involved in Wyckoff Reformed church, but it's hard with my class schedule; the committees meet weekdays when I'm in class, so I'm starting with the food pantry that meets on Thursday mornings at 9am next door.
Otherwise the next big thing I really MUST do soon is put out some applications for Clinical Pastoral Education intensives this summer. I've GOT to get that out of the way--there just isn't time to do that during the school year if I'm watching Katie too. Then I'll need to do the same thing next summer, and finally have some sort of part-time job my final year. It's a lot to think about, but I've just got to do it. I must admit, I feel out of the loop compared to most of the rest of my classmates, who have full time preaching and pastoring positions already. They've got all kinds of real life experience, and every now and then I catch myself thinking something negative about staying home with Katie during the day--but I don't really feel that way. I'm very glad to get to be with her. She's learning so fast; she's talking in sentences! Short ones, but they're sentences! And she's almost ready to potty-train; she can tell when she needs to go. It's pretty funny, actually.
Well, I'm signing off before I describe more about Katie's day than my own, and I'll go hit the Hebrew until midnight or so; then I'm going to bed. G'nite!
Over the weekend I've been working on the Hebrew quiz-that-passes-for-a-midterm take home, and writing up an outline for my one-hour take home essay for Church History. Then we've got reading week break from Wednesday, Oct. 22nd until Tuesday, October 28th! Unfortunately, I'll need to write a paper for Old Testament and get at least the first half or so done on my Ministry Studies uber-paper, all before or after our brief jaunt back to Staunton. We'll only be there for Saturday, unfortunately, as James has rehearsals he has to be back for on Sunday. Pity.
At the moment I'm updating because I just don't want to go back and finish the last page of my Hebrew homework, as I understand personal possessive pronouns pretty well, and constructs get old after awhile. Mostly I need to just start memorizing vocabulary again...add that to my list for next week.
Actually, this weekend was a nice break; Aunt Sarah came to visit and so do Christine/Aunt Bean, and we all went out today to pick pumpkins with Katie. I really want to be excited about Halloween, but I'm having trouble since everything costs money. Bleugh. And I need to get my hair cut something fierce, but finding the time without Katie (who also needs a trim) is hard. Mostly we're just trying to help James out with his next week and a half, as he's got two shows going up at the same time and far too much work to do. I wish the commute wasn't so hard on him. And then there's the election. I'm very concerned for this country, and I'm trying to vote early, so I sent off my absentee application today. I just hope I get it in time!
OH! Here's some update-worthy news! It's pretty darn official now: I got my passport in the mail and I've paid for my trip to South Africa this winter! I'm going on the January intensive trip/class to study post-apartheid theology and the Belhar confession! I am so excited. I havne't been out of the country since I went to Germany after graduating high school, so it's bound to be very enlightening and eye opening. I really like my ministry studies class. It has the appearance of being very easy, until you really think about applying principals of community organizing and the near-scientific study of HOW to accomplish a ministry to your practice...and suddenly I can see why so many churches take the easy way out and opt to do programs and events that don't really impact the community. I'm trying to get more involved in Wyckoff Reformed church, but it's hard with my class schedule; the committees meet weekdays when I'm in class, so I'm starting with the food pantry that meets on Thursday mornings at 9am next door.
Otherwise the next big thing I really MUST do soon is put out some applications for Clinical Pastoral Education intensives this summer. I've GOT to get that out of the way--there just isn't time to do that during the school year if I'm watching Katie too. Then I'll need to do the same thing next summer, and finally have some sort of part-time job my final year. It's a lot to think about, but I've just got to do it. I must admit, I feel out of the loop compared to most of the rest of my classmates, who have full time preaching and pastoring positions already. They've got all kinds of real life experience, and every now and then I catch myself thinking something negative about staying home with Katie during the day--but I don't really feel that way. I'm very glad to get to be with her. She's learning so fast; she's talking in sentences! Short ones, but they're sentences! And she's almost ready to potty-train; she can tell when she needs to go. It's pretty funny, actually.
Well, I'm signing off before I describe more about Katie's day than my own, and I'll go hit the Hebrew until midnight or so; then I'm going to bed. G'nite!
Friday, October 10, 2008
I refuse to study for quizzes anymore
This was a major revelation this week. Or rather, I made the resolution not to study for quizzes anymore last week, and this week I bore it out, and I am so happy that I did. Out of my four classes, three of them have a quiz each time we meet. Cumulative quiz. And theoretically it can include your readings even if we didn't get to them in class.
I say theoretically because THAT has yet to happen.
But the idea of having to study for quizzes on top of finishing the readings and doing the papers was just too much, so I decided that I'd just read my homework and go over my notes a few times before class, and forget worrying about any specialized study. It seems to be working.
Earlier this week I had the strangest encounter on the train platform. Someone had brought two dozen Dunkin Donuts to class and only two were left over. I had the misfortune of being the last one out of the room, so it was decided that I had to dispose of said donuts. I didn't really want to eat either of them; one was a chocolate covered cream, and the other some sort of nut-crusted apple. They both looked good, but I just didn't want a donut. So I figured that I'd take the whole box and see if anyone at the train wanted my donuts.
So I schlep the donuts in their box all the way to the station, where I arrive early with NO ONE else on the platform. So I sit. And as the first person arrives, I ask, "Um, hey. Do you want a donut?" "Oh, no thank you," she replies, "I don't eat donuts."
"You don't eat donuts? Is it the sugar?"
"No, I just don't like them."
"You don't LIKE donuts? Why??"
"I just don't. Why don't you eat one?"
"Well, I like donuts just fine, I just don't want one right now."
"Why do you even have donuts? A meeting?"
"Oh, left over from class."
"Oh. Well, maybe someone else will want a donut." And she sits down next to me.
Another man approaches; he looks a creative sort.
"Hi. Uh, would you like a donut?"
"Oh, no thanks. I already had a donut today."
"You've got a donut quota?"
"Ha, yeah. Sorta. What's in there?"
"Chocolate covered cream and apple."
"Oh, yeah, I prefer plain."
"Ok."
"They've probably got razorblades or something anyway."
"I hope not! They're from the seminary. They probably have trans fats though, which is just as bad."
"Yeah."
And he takes up a post to my other side. Then a small group arrives, which appears to be some sort of performance troupe. One of them carries drumsticks, but they all have that slightly manic quality and specific hand gestures that belies an actor.
"Hey, anybody want a donut? They're free."
"Oh no. Thanks. I don't eat donuts."
"Nobody seems to eat donuts anymore. I just don't want to throw them away."
"What's she doing?" "She's giving out donuts." "Is it an experiment?" "No, I just want to give them away." "Why, does she work for Dunkin Donuts?" "No, someone brought them to class and I don't want to waste them. Do YOU want a donut?" "No thank you. I'm a vegetarian."
"Are you a vegan?" "No, just a vegetarian." "What's wrong with a donut?" "I don't know. Probably fat or something." "Oh, yeah, it's definitely got fat."
"So do none of you want my donut?"
"............No, none of us want your donuts."
And then THEY just stand around next to me, waiting to see what will happen next. And naturally, with a small crowd, nothing much does.
"Free donut?" "No thanks." "Free donut?" "Uhm, no."
"Is it that I'm giving out donuts?" I ask the first woman. "What if I was giving out ham sandwiches?"
"Ham sandwiches would definitely be more sketchy than donuts. I wouldn't eat your ham sandwich."
"Is it that there are only two left? Like the last cookie on the plate, everyone wants to be polite?"
"That might have something to do with it."
"Look, I just want someone to take just one of these donuts, because until then, even that theory doesn't work."
"Oh, say, there's Matt. Hey Matt! You want a donut?"
"Sure! Oooo, chocolate covered cream!"
"Hooray! Someone ate my donut!"
And the whole crowd does a little cheer. I kidd you not.
"Wow, awesome. Thanks for the donut. You made my night."
"You made my night by taking my donut."
"Well happy to help."
"Me too."
"I'd like to buy a donut."
"What? No! Just take the donut!"
"They are free?"
"Yes! Please! Take it!"
"Oh, thank you!"
"It's apple."
"Oh good. I like apples."
"Well look at you; you gave away all your donuts."
"I'm glad I finally did."
"Here, let me take that box for you; I'm already standing."
"Thank you."
And then, slowly, we all dissolved back into our own worlds, waiting for the train. I wished I had more donuts.
I say theoretically because THAT has yet to happen.
But the idea of having to study for quizzes on top of finishing the readings and doing the papers was just too much, so I decided that I'd just read my homework and go over my notes a few times before class, and forget worrying about any specialized study. It seems to be working.
Earlier this week I had the strangest encounter on the train platform. Someone had brought two dozen Dunkin Donuts to class and only two were left over. I had the misfortune of being the last one out of the room, so it was decided that I had to dispose of said donuts. I didn't really want to eat either of them; one was a chocolate covered cream, and the other some sort of nut-crusted apple. They both looked good, but I just didn't want a donut. So I figured that I'd take the whole box and see if anyone at the train wanted my donuts.
So I schlep the donuts in their box all the way to the station, where I arrive early with NO ONE else on the platform. So I sit. And as the first person arrives, I ask, "Um, hey. Do you want a donut?" "Oh, no thank you," she replies, "I don't eat donuts."
"You don't eat donuts? Is it the sugar?"
"No, I just don't like them."
"You don't LIKE donuts? Why??"
"I just don't. Why don't you eat one?"
"Well, I like donuts just fine, I just don't want one right now."
"Why do you even have donuts? A meeting?"
"Oh, left over from class."
"Oh. Well, maybe someone else will want a donut." And she sits down next to me.
Another man approaches; he looks a creative sort.
"Hi. Uh, would you like a donut?"
"Oh, no thanks. I already had a donut today."
"You've got a donut quota?"
"Ha, yeah. Sorta. What's in there?"
"Chocolate covered cream and apple."
"Oh, yeah, I prefer plain."
"Ok."
"They've probably got razorblades or something anyway."
"I hope not! They're from the seminary. They probably have trans fats though, which is just as bad."
"Yeah."
And he takes up a post to my other side. Then a small group arrives, which appears to be some sort of performance troupe. One of them carries drumsticks, but they all have that slightly manic quality and specific hand gestures that belies an actor.
"Hey, anybody want a donut? They're free."
"Oh no. Thanks. I don't eat donuts."
"Nobody seems to eat donuts anymore. I just don't want to throw them away."
"What's she doing?" "She's giving out donuts." "Is it an experiment?" "No, I just want to give them away." "Why, does she work for Dunkin Donuts?" "No, someone brought them to class and I don't want to waste them. Do YOU want a donut?" "No thank you. I'm a vegetarian."
"Are you a vegan?" "No, just a vegetarian." "What's wrong with a donut?" "I don't know. Probably fat or something." "Oh, yeah, it's definitely got fat."
"So do none of you want my donut?"
"............No, none of us want your donuts."
And then THEY just stand around next to me, waiting to see what will happen next. And naturally, with a small crowd, nothing much does.
"Free donut?" "No thanks." "Free donut?" "Uhm, no."
"Is it that I'm giving out donuts?" I ask the first woman. "What if I was giving out ham sandwiches?"
"Ham sandwiches would definitely be more sketchy than donuts. I wouldn't eat your ham sandwich."
"Is it that there are only two left? Like the last cookie on the plate, everyone wants to be polite?"
"That might have something to do with it."
"Look, I just want someone to take just one of these donuts, because until then, even that theory doesn't work."
"Oh, say, there's Matt. Hey Matt! You want a donut?"
"Sure! Oooo, chocolate covered cream!"
"Hooray! Someone ate my donut!"
And the whole crowd does a little cheer. I kidd you not.
"Wow, awesome. Thanks for the donut. You made my night."
"You made my night by taking my donut."
"Well happy to help."
"Me too."
"I'd like to buy a donut."
"What? No! Just take the donut!"
"They are free?"
"Yes! Please! Take it!"
"Oh, thank you!"
"It's apple."
"Oh good. I like apples."
"Well look at you; you gave away all your donuts."
"I'm glad I finally did."
"Here, let me take that box for you; I'm already standing."
"Thank you."
And then, slowly, we all dissolved back into our own worlds, waiting for the train. I wished I had more donuts.
Saturday, October 4, 2008
what a week
Well, it's been one of those weeks, when it feels like everything is pressing down on you and you just don't know how you're going to make it through today, let alone tomorrow. But I also feel like I've been really blessed in dealing with it, because I've got lots of support.
Let's count my blessings: I received well over a dozen notes of encouragement from Covenant Presbyterian Church, which was AWESOME, because they ended up being spaced about 3 to a day and arrived all week, so that little bit of support went a very long way to making me feel loved-from-afar. I think I'd have to credit this surprise for a general buoyancy that kept me afloat this week.
My in-laws are phenomenal, as is my husband--all three of which have tolerated my wretched grumpiness this week with barely a raised eyebrow. I have been in my "prickly pear" mode, meaning that my prickles have been out subjugating the world, and my pear has remained...succulent? Oh the metaphor worked much better earlier this week.
My classmates are really great. I think I've connected with at least one person during each break this week, and several of us have gotten all teary at a number of points.
That's something I don't think we really expected: that we'd cry when things got overwhelming, or we had too much reading to do, or couldn't study for the quizzes enough. I hugged a big grown man the other night when he said "I haven't cried this much since I was a kid," and I said, "me too!" and we just looked at each other and got teary. Really. Big bonding.
And it was a tough week for a really good reason too: Hebrew is hitting the hard stuff: grammar. I am NOT GOOD at English grammar (us smart kids got out of Elementary English Class routinely so we could do enlightening work such as "excavate the cookie like an Egyptian ruin". I wish I were kidding. I never learned fractions for the same reason). I don't even know what a predicative participle IS, and apparently it's very important to ever understanding what on earth those ancient Hebrews were saying. So I picked up a basic English grammar from my father in law, and I hope that it will help.
And in my Ministry Studies class we finally had the big racism talk, which was really actually very very good. I don't know how much I can write in a blog like this to share with everyone, but I came to the realization that, truly, my "whiteness" is a false front. It doesn't mean anything; it isn't a culture, it doesn't impart anything to me, and in fact I've lost more to it than I've gained--except for priviledge and a sense of entitlement, which I don't think I want. It makes for a dang good discussion in person, but I'm still wrapping my mind around the concepts and I can't really put it all into words yet. But I CAN say that racism is alive and well in America, and if I'm not actively working against it, then I'm with it, and I don't want that. What will that mean for my ministry?
Still working on that.
It was part of my great revelation in Old Testament that, in the Exodus story, maybe I'm not with the Hebrews. Maybe, if I look at my sociological position today, I'm an Egyptian, perhaps even Pharoh. At best maybe Pharoh's daughter. Which is unpleasant. So I'm wrestling with that too. It's a big thing.
The week before Halloween is off from class; it's our reading week. I cannot wait for reading week. I will not read. I will sleep. I've been getting, at least by James' accounting, about 4 hours of sleep a night. Sometimes a nap. And lots and lots of coffee. I fear that maybe I've hit my coffee-dependence point, where additional coffee can't help me be MORE awake...I need coffee to do anything at all. As in, I have headaches when I haven't had coffee in 5 or so hours. I wake up with a coffee headache. Ugh, that can't be good.
On a positive note though, and this is pretty positive, I sent in my passport to be renewed on Thursday. I'm hopefully taking a trip abroad in January....more on that after I turn in the money!
So finally, life is ok. I can't imagine being able to do this any other way than how it's working out right now. I REALLY appreciate my husband and family, who are putting up with me a lot as I get grumpy about not reading/studying/memorizing/playing with Katie/sleeping enough. But I THINK I'm learning the balance. I just need to do what I can, not stress about what I cannot do, and simply BE the good-enough that I am.
God is I am who I am.
It will be what it will be.
I am good enough as I am good.
Hooray!
Let's count my blessings: I received well over a dozen notes of encouragement from Covenant Presbyterian Church, which was AWESOME, because they ended up being spaced about 3 to a day and arrived all week, so that little bit of support went a very long way to making me feel loved-from-afar. I think I'd have to credit this surprise for a general buoyancy that kept me afloat this week.
My in-laws are phenomenal, as is my husband--all three of which have tolerated my wretched grumpiness this week with barely a raised eyebrow. I have been in my "prickly pear" mode, meaning that my prickles have been out subjugating the world, and my pear has remained...succulent? Oh the metaphor worked much better earlier this week.
My classmates are really great. I think I've connected with at least one person during each break this week, and several of us have gotten all teary at a number of points.
That's something I don't think we really expected: that we'd cry when things got overwhelming, or we had too much reading to do, or couldn't study for the quizzes enough. I hugged a big grown man the other night when he said "I haven't cried this much since I was a kid," and I said, "me too!" and we just looked at each other and got teary. Really. Big bonding.
And it was a tough week for a really good reason too: Hebrew is hitting the hard stuff: grammar. I am NOT GOOD at English grammar (us smart kids got out of Elementary English Class routinely so we could do enlightening work such as "excavate the cookie like an Egyptian ruin". I wish I were kidding. I never learned fractions for the same reason). I don't even know what a predicative participle IS, and apparently it's very important to ever understanding what on earth those ancient Hebrews were saying. So I picked up a basic English grammar from my father in law, and I hope that it will help.
And in my Ministry Studies class we finally had the big racism talk, which was really actually very very good. I don't know how much I can write in a blog like this to share with everyone, but I came to the realization that, truly, my "whiteness" is a false front. It doesn't mean anything; it isn't a culture, it doesn't impart anything to me, and in fact I've lost more to it than I've gained--except for priviledge and a sense of entitlement, which I don't think I want. It makes for a dang good discussion in person, but I'm still wrapping my mind around the concepts and I can't really put it all into words yet. But I CAN say that racism is alive and well in America, and if I'm not actively working against it, then I'm with it, and I don't want that. What will that mean for my ministry?
Still working on that.
It was part of my great revelation in Old Testament that, in the Exodus story, maybe I'm not with the Hebrews. Maybe, if I look at my sociological position today, I'm an Egyptian, perhaps even Pharoh. At best maybe Pharoh's daughter. Which is unpleasant. So I'm wrestling with that too. It's a big thing.
The week before Halloween is off from class; it's our reading week. I cannot wait for reading week. I will not read. I will sleep. I've been getting, at least by James' accounting, about 4 hours of sleep a night. Sometimes a nap. And lots and lots of coffee. I fear that maybe I've hit my coffee-dependence point, where additional coffee can't help me be MORE awake...I need coffee to do anything at all. As in, I have headaches when I haven't had coffee in 5 or so hours. I wake up with a coffee headache. Ugh, that can't be good.
On a positive note though, and this is pretty positive, I sent in my passport to be renewed on Thursday. I'm hopefully taking a trip abroad in January....more on that after I turn in the money!
So finally, life is ok. I can't imagine being able to do this any other way than how it's working out right now. I REALLY appreciate my husband and family, who are putting up with me a lot as I get grumpy about not reading/studying/memorizing/playing with Katie/sleeping enough. But I THINK I'm learning the balance. I just need to do what I can, not stress about what I cannot do, and simply BE the good-enough that I am.
God is I am who I am.
It will be what it will be.
I am good enough as I am good.
Hooray!
Saturday, September 27, 2008
Hebrew Rocks!
So far, so good! I started getting a few papers and quizzes back this week, and I'm doing well.
Church History has it's first paper due this Tuesday, and I'm writing on the Montantist influences on early Christian martyrs, particularly those mentioned in The Martyrs from Lyons and The Martyrdom of Perpetua and Felicity. Amazing stuff. You can find links to the text of Perpetua's martyrdom here: http://www.fordham.edu/halsall/source/perpetua.html. Basically, Perpetua's story is interesting because it's mostly a first-person account of her time spent in the prison while awaiting martyrdom in the arena, and then a narration of what happened. Very cool stuff. I quite enjoyed reading about it; I could definitely write more than a 4 page paper on it.
And Hebrew is good too! There are so many rules to the ancient, dead language, but I think our professor has the right idea: she's insistent that we learn the hard stuff first (instead of later) because HEBREW IS ALL HARD STUFF, and if we want to be able to read it (thank goodness! Not write it or speak it, just read and translate it) then we need to know the hard stuff up front and spend the semester practicing it. Tonight's homework was to translate Genesis 1:1-6 from the original(ish) Hebrew, and here's what I got (and no, I didn't look up the answer!) The italics are words I had to add, as Hebrew doesn't always have the words "is, are, was" in the sentence; they're often implied by the context. And there isn't much natural punctuation either...in fact I added some periods because I just couldn't stand it.
"God created with the heavens and with the earth and the earth was formless and emptiness and darkness was upon the face murmuring and the wind of God swooping upon the face of the seas.
Then God said let there become light and there was become light and God saw with the light that it was good and God made a separation between the light and the darkness and God called the light day and for the darkness he called night and let there be exchange and let there be morning day one.
And God saw let there be solid expanse in the midst of the seas and let there be a separation between the seas to seas." ~Neato! That only took two hours...
As for my Old Testament course, I'm enjoying that too, but it's hard to explain all that we're learning without making terribly general statements like "the Bible was written by a lot of anonymous people--but some known folks, but probably not Moses, maybe his scribe or someone who knew him--over a great deal of time as oral traditions from around the region were eventually written down by scribes (many of which may-or-may-not have had agendas in mind) but that's ok because it's still the inspired word of God that speaks to us in our present condition, today. But that inerrancy thing will have to be answered by your own tradition." See, that sounds so awkward, and I still didn't get it right.
Needless to say, it's very edifying, and I'm learning a lot. Many of my questions are being answered, most in challenging ways that I can't even articulate well at this point. BUT if you, like me, really hadn't read the Old Testament yet (honestly, no, I had not. I HAVE not, as I'm still not yet done with it) because you too got bogged down in the drudgery of Numbers or Leviticus or some other early book--then read this: The Chalice Introduction to the Old Testament by Marti J. Steussy. It's an EXCELLENT read, very easy and thorough without being too scholarly, and gives all kinds of good context and background for the scriptures you're reading. I realized why I never "got" the Old Testament before: I didn't know where it was coming from! But be warned: this book may challenge your traditions, which is fine, because we all need to know where the text stops and our traditions begin.
And finally, for Intro to Church Ministry, all I'm going to say at the present is this: There is an intensive, 2 credit course offered in the winter term: a ten day trip to South Africa to learn about post-apartheid theology. AND MY STUDENT LOAN CHECK JUST ARRIVED. We shall see.
Ah, but now it is truly late, and I must to bed, or I won't be able to awaken for church in the morning!
Much love and please say a little prayer for me!
Marie
Church History has it's first paper due this Tuesday, and I'm writing on the Montantist influences on early Christian martyrs, particularly those mentioned in The Martyrs from Lyons and The Martyrdom of Perpetua and Felicity. Amazing stuff. You can find links to the text of Perpetua's martyrdom here: http://www.fordham.edu/halsall/source/perpetua.html. Basically, Perpetua's story is interesting because it's mostly a first-person account of her time spent in the prison while awaiting martyrdom in the arena, and then a narration of what happened. Very cool stuff. I quite enjoyed reading about it; I could definitely write more than a 4 page paper on it.
And Hebrew is good too! There are so many rules to the ancient, dead language, but I think our professor has the right idea: she's insistent that we learn the hard stuff first (instead of later) because HEBREW IS ALL HARD STUFF, and if we want to be able to read it (thank goodness! Not write it or speak it, just read and translate it) then we need to know the hard stuff up front and spend the semester practicing it. Tonight's homework was to translate Genesis 1:1-6 from the original(ish) Hebrew, and here's what I got (and no, I didn't look up the answer!) The italics are words I had to add, as Hebrew doesn't always have the words "is, are, was" in the sentence; they're often implied by the context. And there isn't much natural punctuation either...in fact I added some periods because I just couldn't stand it.
"God created with the heavens and with the earth and the earth was formless and emptiness and darkness was upon the face murmuring and the wind of God swooping upon the face of the seas.
Then God said let there become light and there was become light and God saw with the light that it was good and God made a separation between the light and the darkness and God called the light day and for the darkness he called night and let there be exchange and let there be morning day one.
And God saw let there be solid expanse in the midst of the seas and let there be a separation between the seas to seas." ~Neato! That only took two hours...
As for my Old Testament course, I'm enjoying that too, but it's hard to explain all that we're learning without making terribly general statements like "the Bible was written by a lot of anonymous people--but some known folks, but probably not Moses, maybe his scribe or someone who knew him--over a great deal of time as oral traditions from around the region were eventually written down by scribes (many of which may-or-may-not have had agendas in mind) but that's ok because it's still the inspired word of God that speaks to us in our present condition, today. But that inerrancy thing will have to be answered by your own tradition." See, that sounds so awkward, and I still didn't get it right.
Needless to say, it's very edifying, and I'm learning a lot. Many of my questions are being answered, most in challenging ways that I can't even articulate well at this point. BUT if you, like me, really hadn't read the Old Testament yet (honestly, no, I had not. I HAVE not, as I'm still not yet done with it) because you too got bogged down in the drudgery of Numbers or Leviticus or some other early book--then read this: The Chalice Introduction to the Old Testament by Marti J. Steussy. It's an EXCELLENT read, very easy and thorough without being too scholarly, and gives all kinds of good context and background for the scriptures you're reading. I realized why I never "got" the Old Testament before: I didn't know where it was coming from! But be warned: this book may challenge your traditions, which is fine, because we all need to know where the text stops and our traditions begin.
And finally, for Intro to Church Ministry, all I'm going to say at the present is this: There is an intensive, 2 credit course offered in the winter term: a ten day trip to South Africa to learn about post-apartheid theology. AND MY STUDENT LOAN CHECK JUST ARRIVED. We shall see.
Ah, but now it is truly late, and I must to bed, or I won't be able to awaken for church in the morning!
Much love and please say a little prayer for me!
Marie
Sunday, September 21, 2008
Whoa. Lots of Reading. Did I mention the READING??
So I'm already behind in the posting-often deadline I set for myself, so I'm going to reset and say that I'm going to try and do it every Friday, after the week of classes. And thus I can now say this about all four of my classes...
Dear Lord. There is so much to read.
And I read fast, and well, and I enjoy it, but OH MY GOODNESS. It's actually a very good thing that I am taking the train to and from class, because even though it takes about two hours each way (including walking), that's really the only time I study, unless Katie is taking a very good nap. And I've needed every moment of those 5 hours a day to get it done. It's about a thousand pages of reading a week. Roughly.
And actually, I've already had a moment in which I've thought "this is impossible". And that was, in fact, confirmed by both senior students and my adviser, who sadistically signed me up for BOTH of her crazy classes. Don't get me wrong, AWESOME classes, Hebrew is an amazing language and I don't know why we don't literally teach it in Sunday School, it is THAT necessary to a fundamental understanding of the Old Testament and the culture/times in which the scriptures were written...but I digress.
Beth said that she had intentionally assigned more reading than was possible, because as a pastor, this same thing will happen to you all the time so-you'd-best-get-used-to-it-now. And she wasn't kidding.
But so far I've managed. Granted, it's only a week into classes...but hey! I'll take my successes as they come!
I really like my Ministry Studies class with Prof. Dennis (I totally have a theological crush. He thinks your church is dead unless it's actively engaged in the pressing issues of the community. <3 ! ) Even though it ostensibly has the lightest reading load, it also has a large 15 page research paper due at the end, and you'd-best-start-writing-that-now-so-he-can-tell-you-how-you're-wrong-in-the-drafts-first. But it's also quite personally challenging. The focus of the class at the moment is on the idea that you can't possibly be a good pastor unless you've dealt with all your emotional and personal baggage first, and here is a convenient list of the baggage you probably have. Now start unpacking.
I've realized that I likely have a few myths working in my life, most notably the myth of the Superwoman (who'd have guessed??) and even the Myth of the Loner (the idea here is that you secretly think you can do it alone, or that you don't really need help from others. I've been aware of this one for awhile, but I hadn't realized that it really was important that I deal with it now.) Anyway, it's very challenging and Prof. Dennis has done an amazing job getting me to rethink (again) about the moral ground I stand on when I benefit from the institutionalized White Privilege in this country. Oh, so much to do...so much to think...
Anyway, if this has a time stamp on it, you can tell I need to go to bed--I just had to update though before the next week started. Think good thoughts for me; this week 3 out of 4 classes start their weekly quizzes!
Love and say a prayer for me,
Marie
Dear Lord. There is so much to read.
And I read fast, and well, and I enjoy it, but OH MY GOODNESS. It's actually a very good thing that I am taking the train to and from class, because even though it takes about two hours each way (including walking), that's really the only time I study, unless Katie is taking a very good nap. And I've needed every moment of those 5 hours a day to get it done. It's about a thousand pages of reading a week. Roughly.
And actually, I've already had a moment in which I've thought "this is impossible". And that was, in fact, confirmed by both senior students and my adviser, who sadistically signed me up for BOTH of her crazy classes. Don't get me wrong, AWESOME classes, Hebrew is an amazing language and I don't know why we don't literally teach it in Sunday School, it is THAT necessary to a fundamental understanding of the Old Testament and the culture/times in which the scriptures were written...but I digress.
Beth said that she had intentionally assigned more reading than was possible, because as a pastor, this same thing will happen to you all the time so-you'd-best-get-used-to-it-now. And she wasn't kidding.
But so far I've managed. Granted, it's only a week into classes...but hey! I'll take my successes as they come!
I really like my Ministry Studies class with Prof. Dennis (I totally have a theological crush. He thinks your church is dead unless it's actively engaged in the pressing issues of the community. <3 ! ) Even though it ostensibly has the lightest reading load, it also has a large 15 page research paper due at the end, and you'd-best-start-writing-that-now-so-he-can-tell-you-how-you're-wrong-in-the-drafts-first. But it's also quite personally challenging. The focus of the class at the moment is on the idea that you can't possibly be a good pastor unless you've dealt with all your emotional and personal baggage first, and here is a convenient list of the baggage you probably have. Now start unpacking.
I've realized that I likely have a few myths working in my life, most notably the myth of the Superwoman (who'd have guessed??) and even the Myth of the Loner (the idea here is that you secretly think you can do it alone, or that you don't really need help from others. I've been aware of this one for awhile, but I hadn't realized that it really was important that I deal with it now.) Anyway, it's very challenging and Prof. Dennis has done an amazing job getting me to rethink (again) about the moral ground I stand on when I benefit from the institutionalized White Privilege in this country. Oh, so much to do...so much to think...
Anyway, if this has a time stamp on it, you can tell I need to go to bed--I just had to update though before the next week started. Think good thoughts for me; this week 3 out of 4 classes start their weekly quizzes!
Love and say a prayer for me,
Marie
Wednesday, September 3, 2008
First Day of Class!
Actually, the first thing I should mention is how difficult it was to come up with a title for this blog. After many failed attempts (including "Commuting for Jesus" and "Seminary Rock!") I decided to simply pay homage to Matthew Gilliland's goodbye note on my giant posterboard; "Rock that Seminary" seemed a good command and title. Those with complaints may direct them to Matthew.
As for the occasion of this post, it's pretty self-descriptive: today was my first day of class! And for class I had what appears to be (at least judging by the reading list, class size, and the number of seniors who had put it off for as long as possible) one of the more difficult and rewarding courses offered. I have high hopes and expectations for "Intro to Old Testament", as taught by my advisor and Hebrew professor the Rev. Dr. Beth Tanner. (Side note: I would love to be a Rev. Dr. I have often joked with my husband that I'd like a nameplate that reads "The Rev. Dr. Mrs. Kathryn Marie Mainard O'Connell, Notary Public", but I digress.)
I'm not sure whether I should expound on the class itself, or just the experience as a whole. The evening started with worship at 6:20, which was a suprise for me as I thought that worship was still in the middle of class, around 8pm. But it lasted for almost an hour, and involved a great reading and sermon by the President of the Seminary on the topic of holy ground--and the singing was FANTASTIC. I felt like I could really cut loose and sing loud and proud--and was surprised to hear a distinctly southern gospel voice coming out of me, complete with accent and sliding between notes. It was lovely and freeing and after communion (on a Wednesday-weee!) I felt totally pumped up and ready for class.
And the excitement was very good, as I think this is going to be a very interesting class. I really like Prof. Beth, as she seems to seek to make the class as challenging as possible for each of us on a personal level. Her whole focus isn't just on the historical events within the Old Testament (or First Testament, which I rather like!) but the theology, storytelling and relationship that the authors are trying to share. I almost feel like my lack of religious training is almost a boon here, as I may be approaching the Testament with a little less baggage than usual--of course, I'm also not nearly as familiar with the text as my classmates, many of whom can quote whole passages without blinking. I tend to blink a lot as I fumble with the very thin pages of my brand-new NRSV Study Bible With Apocrypha (you won't use the Apocrypha in class, but is highly recommended that you read it, as Prof. Beth did the translation!).
There are no less than 5 required books for the class, 3 recommended books for the class, and one journal that you are encouraged to start (I plan to). It appears that there is between 150-250 pages of reading per week, which as I was told, "Shouldn't be a problem unless you're also taking Church History, in which case you'll be reading a lot. Or Hebrew." This is often said (at least three times to me tonight alone) with a crafty smirk on the face of the knowing speaker, and a look of appropriate horror on the face of the recipient (me).
I am taking all three of the above mentioned classes. Insert big, buggy eyes of horror here, as a visual of the amount of reading I will be doing. Did I mention the 4 page paper due next week? Actually, that's cake and I'm not worried about it, but I definitely feel that I have lots of work ahead of me and no lack of reading material.
In fact, I also discovered that not all of the 19 other full time students are taking 16 hours of classes (that's four 4 credit courses), some of them only have 12 credit hours! What?! And to top it off, Prof. Beth told our class "in fact, those of you who are my advisees may have noted that I didn't sign you up for both Old Testament and Church History if you have a full time job." HEY! I DO have a full time job--I'm a stay-at-home mom! Whatev. I'm going to rock this seminary. I can't wait to start my readings. In fact...I think I'll go read my first assignment now!
Thanks for reading, and say a little prayer for me!
Much love always,
Marie
As for the occasion of this post, it's pretty self-descriptive: today was my first day of class! And for class I had what appears to be (at least judging by the reading list, class size, and the number of seniors who had put it off for as long as possible) one of the more difficult and rewarding courses offered. I have high hopes and expectations for "Intro to Old Testament", as taught by my advisor and Hebrew professor the Rev. Dr. Beth Tanner. (Side note: I would love to be a Rev. Dr. I have often joked with my husband that I'd like a nameplate that reads "The Rev. Dr. Mrs. Kathryn Marie Mainard O'Connell, Notary Public", but I digress.)
I'm not sure whether I should expound on the class itself, or just the experience as a whole. The evening started with worship at 6:20, which was a suprise for me as I thought that worship was still in the middle of class, around 8pm. But it lasted for almost an hour, and involved a great reading and sermon by the President of the Seminary on the topic of holy ground--and the singing was FANTASTIC. I felt like I could really cut loose and sing loud and proud--and was surprised to hear a distinctly southern gospel voice coming out of me, complete with accent and sliding between notes. It was lovely and freeing and after communion (on a Wednesday-weee!) I felt totally pumped up and ready for class.
And the excitement was very good, as I think this is going to be a very interesting class. I really like Prof. Beth, as she seems to seek to make the class as challenging as possible for each of us on a personal level. Her whole focus isn't just on the historical events within the Old Testament (or First Testament, which I rather like!) but the theology, storytelling and relationship that the authors are trying to share. I almost feel like my lack of religious training is almost a boon here, as I may be approaching the Testament with a little less baggage than usual--of course, I'm also not nearly as familiar with the text as my classmates, many of whom can quote whole passages without blinking. I tend to blink a lot as I fumble with the very thin pages of my brand-new NRSV Study Bible With Apocrypha (you won't use the Apocrypha in class, but is highly recommended that you read it, as Prof. Beth did the translation!).
There are no less than 5 required books for the class, 3 recommended books for the class, and one journal that you are encouraged to start (I plan to). It appears that there is between 150-250 pages of reading per week, which as I was told, "Shouldn't be a problem unless you're also taking Church History, in which case you'll be reading a lot. Or Hebrew." This is often said (at least three times to me tonight alone) with a crafty smirk on the face of the knowing speaker, and a look of appropriate horror on the face of the recipient (me).
I am taking all three of the above mentioned classes. Insert big, buggy eyes of horror here, as a visual of the amount of reading I will be doing. Did I mention the 4 page paper due next week? Actually, that's cake and I'm not worried about it, but I definitely feel that I have lots of work ahead of me and no lack of reading material.
In fact, I also discovered that not all of the 19 other full time students are taking 16 hours of classes (that's four 4 credit courses), some of them only have 12 credit hours! What?! And to top it off, Prof. Beth told our class "in fact, those of you who are my advisees may have noted that I didn't sign you up for both Old Testament and Church History if you have a full time job." HEY! I DO have a full time job--I'm a stay-at-home mom! Whatev. I'm going to rock this seminary. I can't wait to start my readings. In fact...I think I'll go read my first assignment now!
Thanks for reading, and say a little prayer for me!
Much love always,
Marie
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